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Dec. 26th, 2018 06:47 pm I've been right on the edge of writing for the last several days, but my anxiety is such a nightmare this time of year. I can't focus on anything.
I got to take care of cleaning and condensing Christmas at work today, and that was pretty relaxing. I like doing things like that, cleaning shelves and organizing product. Very meditative. Just difficult enough to keep me focused, but easy enough that I can lose myself in it. Then I got home and something popped up on my Instagram feed and it triggered my anxiety all over again. I'm not going to have a panic attack or anything, but I'm definitely not going to be focused enough to write either.
I have this idea in my head that I want to update by New Year's Day, but I don't see it happening at this rate. Not if I can't get this back under control.
I've been thinking about fics besides Young Volcanoes, but I'm so deeply involved in Young Volcanoes, and so close (but so far) from an update that I don't feel like I can work on anything else. This is also my anxiety speaking though.
At the beginning of November, some stuff happened at work that pushed me pretty close to a breaking point, and one of coworkers actually asked if I was on medication (not in a mean way; in a way where he was genuinely concerned about my behavior and I was shocked that anyone paid enough attention to me to notice that something was wrong in the first place). When I said no, he suggested I talk to my doctor about it. I have trouble making myself go to the doctor even for physical problems, but I'm starting to think he may be right. I've been at a constant low simmer (at BEST) since late 2015 and haven't been able to truly course-correct and I think it's affecting my life beyond just my writing.
I get to do cosmetic resets in a couple weeks. I hate the early mornings, but it's a straight two weeks of nothing but resets, almost exactly like what I did today. Then, a few weeks after that, I'm going to LA to see my favorite band, for my birthday. Then, a few weeks after that, it's time for Vegascon.
I can get through.
I got to take care of cleaning and condensing Christmas at work today, and that was pretty relaxing. I like doing things like that, cleaning shelves and organizing product. Very meditative. Just difficult enough to keep me focused, but easy enough that I can lose myself in it. Then I got home and something popped up on my Instagram feed and it triggered my anxiety all over again. I'm not going to have a panic attack or anything, but I'm definitely not going to be focused enough to write either.
I have this idea in my head that I want to update by New Year's Day, but I don't see it happening at this rate. Not if I can't get this back under control.
I've been thinking about fics besides Young Volcanoes, but I'm so deeply involved in Young Volcanoes, and so close (but so far) from an update that I don't feel like I can work on anything else. This is also my anxiety speaking though.
At the beginning of November, some stuff happened at work that pushed me pretty close to a breaking point, and one of coworkers actually asked if I was on medication (not in a mean way; in a way where he was genuinely concerned about my behavior and I was shocked that anyone paid enough attention to me to notice that something was wrong in the first place). When I said no, he suggested I talk to my doctor about it. I have trouble making myself go to the doctor even for physical problems, but I'm starting to think he may be right. I've been at a constant low simmer (at BEST) since late 2015 and haven't been able to truly course-correct and I think it's affecting my life beyond just my writing.
I get to do cosmetic resets in a couple weeks. I hate the early mornings, but it's a straight two weeks of nothing but resets, almost exactly like what I did today. Then, a few weeks after that, I'm going to LA to see my favorite band, for my birthday. Then, a few weeks after that, it's time for Vegascon.
I can get through.
